06 November 2012

I'm Not Ready!

I don't know when it happened, when my newborn baby girl grew into an infant, then a baby, and who is now on the brink of toddlerhood.

I just blinked.

And now she's a year old.

I don't think a mama is ever ready for her baby to turn one, but somehow, it didn't come so much as a surprise with Gabriel.  I guess I was probably as prepared for his first birthday as any mommy can be.  I look back and remember feeling excited that we were entering a new phase of life and development.  There was a little nostalgia, but mostly anticipation.

Life has moved too fast for me this past year.

Time should have slowed down, taking into account that I have an attention-hungry toddler.  I haven't been able to focus on Hallie as much as if she'd been my first.  As a result, I feel like I've missed so much.  Mostly little things, but we all know the little things are sometimes the most important.  Like...

when she became obsessed with baby dolls...
when she started to love cuddling with mama...
when she learned how to give hugs and kisses...
when she began imitating everything her brother does or says...

When did she turn into a little girl?!

I don't want her to stay a baby forever.  I'm not naive.  I'm just not ready.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to Baby Hallie.  I'm not ready for that now-familiar-but-still-new phase.  I'm not ready for walking and talking and growing up.  All I want is for time to slow down for a few weeks so that I can enjoy this last little stage of baby before she turns into a toddler.  Once we leave this stage, there is no going back.

But, of course, there is no slowing down time.  I know this by now.  I just can't help wishing for it.

I celebrated with her today.  It was hard not to, watching her get excited about blueberry muffins and a new baby doll and a strawberry cupcake just for her.  Nevertheless, there was much more nostalgia on my end than there was on Gabriel's first birthday.

I think I'll end this post now before I get too melancholy.  Birthdays are, after all, happy events. :) I'll leave everyone with pictures of my little beauty.  Enjoy!

Less than 12 hours old.
Easter 2012 (five months).
One of my absolute favorites (9 months).
First cupcake!
Such a happy birthday girl! 

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